southern lollipop cuteness.

It's Drawing class and we're momentarily on a break from drawing a fucking Kroger bag down to the smallest damn detail when Riley walks in with a huge lollipop and hands it to me.
"I was told to give this to you. I know you know who it's from."
"Oh my goodness, yay! A lollipop!" I'm a little too excited about this candy.
"You do see what's going on here?" Riley asks.
My goofiness is gone for a second and I say in a calm, low voice, "Yes. I know. And I'm trying to block it out of the moment so, just let it slide for now, kthanks."
She won't let it go.
"Oh, come on. Give him a chance. He's a nice guy."
Because I said I wasn't going to give him a chance? But she assumed it and next thing I know, she's coming up with a plan to help me shoot him down and shake him off.
The problem comes in when I think about it: do I really like him?
I love him, for sure. In that "omg that guy is so adorable and funny, he could be my best friend"-way. It's not the same way as I keep being told he likes me.
Ugh.
See... I see romantic potential. But only slightly.
He's a redneck. Nothing wrong with that. He's in culinary. He likes to wrestle and hike and is super sweet and has a bit of that southern charm that draws people to him automatically. But something draws him to me more.
Maybe the "cuteness"?
That's the problem. He's attractive. He's sweet. He's funny. He's awkward [lol, cute]...but I don't think we really have anything in real common except that physical attraction shit.
Meh. It sucks. Hard. Core.
I'm not entirely sure what to do. :/

why diet coke sucks ass.

My love life is kind of like drinking a diet coke.
It's starts off sweet, crisp, and feels good running down your throat (lolWUT?!)...
and then comes the after taste. Ew.
In short, I have none.
I try to pin down the reasons for why I'm a senior in high school and still single. There's no fucking way I'd write it down in class---you'd have to be a complete idiot----so I try to memorize them in my head. They go like this:
1. I'm shy
2. I'm a Hispanic girl who looks Asian but acts like a white chick...
3. I have little to no dating experience
4. I'm always crushing on the one's hardest to get
5. I attract younger kids...ew
6. and I attract old people...ewer
7. I attract short, dark, Mexican men who stand outside their houses leaning on their cars, drinking beer, blasting their radio loud with Banda music and wearing cowboy suits.
EWEST.
8. I'm very nit picky.
In my first period a potential boyfriend sits in front of me and when you slightly analyze it, it seems like a good match. He's taller than me, strong, super intelligent and an army kid. There's potential. But he's not...attractive enough (someone SLAP me...).
In my second period...well. same thing.
Third... he's a junior and pretty much taken.
Fourth: He's got the weird cute/hotness mix. I can not express to you how much I really, really want him. But he's a junior. And a pothead. Among other things.
Fifth: junior. babyface. enough said.
Oh, my. The way things are going I might as well turn lesbian.
But I'm kind of homophobic, so that might not turn out so well...
No offense to gays. It's just that... you know. You're weird.
BUT I LOVE YOU.
Actually, it is true that homosexuality is a strange thing. But then, so are many other things.
Take my friend, (we'll call her alisa) she's my best-friend-but-not-really-because-she's-an-airhead-with-low-morals-and-a-stuck-up-bitch-who-only-uses-me-to-gain-stability-in-her-friends-but-thats-ok-cuz-i-do-that-too. :]
The other day she made a comment about my REAL best friend an-overweight-sweetheart-with-a-big-heart-and-high-morals-with-a-good-head-on-her-shoulders-and-could-one-day-take-on-the-world-alone-if-she-had-enough-confidence-in-herself. We'll call her, Mady.
"I think Mady is a lesbian." Alisa said one day. I was totally thrown off by this. I stared at her for a second until she continued. "Well she only talks to you and Jesi. I've never seen her hang out with any guy before...or flirt with them."
"She's just shy," was all I could say.
I was trying to drop the subject. I didn't want to get onto the fact that I too, have not had a boyfriend my whole high school career.
Have I been asked out? Yes.
Why haven't I gone out with anyone?
As weird as it sounds....I'm kind of scared to.
Damn. I'm such an innocent asian-looking-white-acting-hispanic-senior-in-highschool-17-year-old.
Maybe I should turn lesbian...if you can do that...there must be a sign-up sheet somewhere...
ha.