What the HELL is this blog about?

Hi. I consider myself hispanic. I act white. It's something I've learned to live with.
My blogs tell the story of an incredibly awkard, shy, neurotic, hispanic-white-acting, boyfriendless seventeen-year-old trying to fit into the world of being a "normal" teenager.... in a very, very white town.

Monday, November 2, 2009

i have a girlfriend. but she doesn't know yet.

I totally hate going out with my next-door-neighbor/best friend. If I were white and we were around the same vicinity when it comes to weight, we could pass off as twins---something I find really annoying.
It was interesting at first to have someone who knew everything you were about to say, someone with similar interest as you, someone you could instantly relate to...
But then it just turned into something extremely boring, like most incredible relationships.
Only recently have I realized why this is though:
we have been dating for a while without even realizing it. (lacking all the physical
affection crap, of course...which might be the only thing defining the fact that
we are still only straight friends).

How did I come about this conclusion? Glad you asked:
As usual she texts me and asks to hit BAM (Books-a-Million for those of you too busy with lives to know what that is...and if you are sooooo busy, why are you reading this? Ohhhh! Gotcha!).
On our way, daylight sneaks away and stars come out as we listen to Owl City.
The car ride is silent. That's OK. We can handle silence.
We walk into BAM like it's a routine of ours...well actually it IS a routine. Sometimes we joke that in a couple of months, the employees will all know our names and totally hate us because we never buy anything and think of BAM as more of a library that you can check books out of with a fee...Someday when we walk up to the doors, they will have a sign addressing us, letting us know that we have been banned.
We take our usual seats over by the comic section, hidden away from people we wouldn't want to see, like, people we know, for example. Piles of books sit between us and time passes by.
I get angst-y. I can't sit still for too long. I want to leave. It's eight. Feels like nine. Gah.
We leave thanks to my whining.
On our route home I realize Owl City, night time, stars out, BAM, comfortable silence...and other night outings, Sonic drive ins, volunteering at the zoo... it's not fair.
I hate going out with my neighbor because they always end up being ideal dates for me. Only the person next to me isn't my dream guy---its my best and annoying friend.
I get agitated when I look over and see her and wonder why I'm not hanging with a guy like this. It would be so fucking wonderful for me.
It would, it would.
I'm not saying I don't like my best friend. I do, but I think we've already established the fact that I'm not a lesbian and even if I joke about it, it's difficult to picture myself being one.
What bothers me most about these outings is that I know that I've found a soul-twin... now I just need to find a soul mate.
You: Haven't we established that you have so much time left in the world to find a soul mate?
Me: Aye, we have. But wouldn't it be amazing if you found yours early in life? I can't help being a little idealistic. It's just who I am.